i feel as though, since betsy has recommended me and all these nice people are writing on my comments, that I should justify this attention with a post. plus i just got through reading one of her writings, the one with pictures, and it got me thinking.
i am not good at writing, i probably never will be, so my i's will probably never be capitalized and i will spell words wrong and most likely will confuse them with the british spellings, but thats me these days, i think there is fun in the flaws. this is a warning to those who are used to the lovely poems and prose of the above mentioned lady.
but, what i do love, love, is people, and human interactions and what makes us us, and how we interact with the higher powers and with each other and how at the end of the day i still really think that humanity is worth saving, no matter how mad i get watching american news report about the hatred of universal healthcare, but...i digress.
i recently know someone who had a really big breakup, i could mask it with an anaology, say they lost their kitten or something like that, but it would be a lie, and it wouldn't make sense, unless they really really loved that kitten, and that kitten got squished by a car right under their nose, etc. etc. ok you get the point, no analogy. this breakup left me really contemplating my own life up until this point and the idea of knowing one another. i think, i always thought, that people were quite easy. so where i am terrible at capitalising and various other things, i was always really good at people. i think people like being around me, there are hardly awkward moments when i am around, i generally do really well in that arena. for instance i stepped on a loose sidewalk piece walking down the street the other day, it made a satisfying thump, i look up to see a boy and his mother walking towards me, several feet ahead, seemingly oblivious to my happiness. i think to myself, that boy is going to jump on that lose piece of sidewalk when he passes me. i put my hands in my pockets, walk past them, and two seconds later i hear a THUMP that can only be the product of a boy running and stomping a lovely, lose piece of sidewalk, clockwork..... but, BUT, but the true fact of the matter is, despite all of our learnings, and quiet moments together, we never really know each other. and this is definitely, certainly not putting any sort of blame on one person or another in this situation, we are just as easily fooled into thinking someone completely knows us. and if you really think about it, if you really contemplate this idea that no given person can know any other person, then life gets....
really, really, scary.
so what is there left to do? i suppose you surround yourself with those who you hope won't hurt you if they turn out to be different then what we have measured with our limited social sense. and this is an even scarier thought.
this is just something i thought about looking at nograysunflower's pictures, and the knowledge i have two friends who are engaged recently, and thinking about my own life and some of the lives of my friends.
god xanga i'm sorry, i know you are neglected, but in my defense, stuffs been going on.
i went around to some hotspots in europe with my mom who had never traveled to europe before. i was a bit scared because, well, the american stereotype....really i was just scared because of paris, those people...just don't make it easy for you. BUT come to find out, my mom is a southern charm, hard hitting, sweet talking, smile and get what you want, amazing piece of work. She glided through these places like a pro, and while i would stress out about train lines and undergrounds she would suggest something like, how bout we sit at the victor hugo restuarant and drink wine and watch people. it's funny moments when you realize your parents in old age have become more cool then you are, but then again, i think my mom always was, she did introduce me to highlighting my hair in the nineties after all.
other than that i am writing up my dissertation, this week i wrote 54 pages, i remember when i was in undergrad and ten pages was the worst assignment i could ever imagine reading in a syllabus. My how things change.
Halloween is swiftly approaching, if you know me, you know, i love this holiday. it's harder for me to miss halloween in the states then even bigger holdiays like thanksgiving, i dont even really like turkey that much, unless susie is cooking it. i am going to be cat woman for halloween by the way, and still don't know what i'm going to carve my pumpkin as, it has to beat susie, who will inevitably do a koala i'm sure (dont let her know i know.)
i'm taking suggestions on the pumpkin thing by the way.
ok, i'm back to read more sad stories about growing up in belfast, i remember growing up in georgia the worst thign was not being able to jump on my neighbors trampoline cause i was in trouble, in belfast it's getting arrested for stealing empty milk bottles to make petrol bombs.
susie just asked me from the other room if i ever thought about what it would be like to have someone famous fall in love with you, all i can say is, jake-donnie darko...ohhhhh god.
sorry i havent written much lately, i'm not entirely sure i have that much to say. but what i can observe is a couple of things, 1. the new library at Uni of Ed. is really cool to look at now that it's finished, as one who has only been to smaller colleges where their libraries were usually former churches, it's terribly impressive. 2. Upon entering the library there is a video playing of graduation, i graduate in 12 months. i will be a doctor. 3. Still freaking out about that last statement, going to take a minute. 4. Ok, better, anyway, it hasn't stopped raining for about a month, literally, but surprisingly i am not bothered anymore by it, i find comfort in hearing it, so when it stops it makes me nervous almost. you can tell those people who live here permanently and tourists, tourists have umbrellas and squint at the rain. today i walked to the library as it poured and barely squinted at the wind in my eye. 5. i have always liked werner herzog, but i have recently been watching his documentaries, like wheel of time, he is incredible at making people feel comfortable/getting amazing info, i was inspired and fear i have caught this docu bug after interviewing all the amazing people i did in belfast. 6. i have finished transcribing all of my interviews, i did 12 total, they equaled 320 pages long, i like to talk. 7. because of the way the grant system works in conflict resolution, you can actually make up a job you want to do, and if someone likes that idea you get it, thats my kind of world. 8. I saw Devotchka in concert, and it was more than awesome. 9. i interviewed the most incredible woman in the whole world last week in belfast, she is my age, has traveled all over doing organic farming, has worked for amnesty international in palestine and has been offered jobs with the world council of churches, and she wanted to be friends, like for real friends, and i got giddy. 9. as my facebook status says, i think i'm ready to stop being a student now. and move on to the next adventure. 10. i miss all my friends in the states, but i doubt i will move back anytime soon. 11. My favorite Bible verse of all time, keeps me being a Christian, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, defend the rights of the poor and needy, speak up and judge fairly.” 12. Recently I went on a C.S. Lewis tour in Belfast and it was awesome and uplifting, and then I saw Antichrist by Lars von trier and it scared me shitless. 13. I was at a wedding a couple weeks ago and had two funny things happen. One, I was standing outside the bathroom talking and a v. drunken irishman stumbles out and says, "i knew it! i knew i heard there was some foreigner out here when I was in the stall, come dance with us foreigner, did you come all the way from the states to go to this wedding?" Needless, to say, I ran, shortly after running, i escaped to the bar where i heard the v. drunken groom "whisper" "there's the yank." and nod in my general direction. i waved a slow finger roll wave, raised my empty wine glass, straightened up my dress and ordered a seven and seven, which i hadn't had since ben walker ordered one for me at the worst wedding ever. and I pondered why those two situations made me really happy. and i still do, enough so that i have written it down. 14. can we hang out over christmas?
there you go.i'm not dead. ahhhh, it just started raining again...:)
xangaities, prepare yourself, its a very special wee girl's birthday today
NOGRAYSUNFLOWERS, you have won the prize of!!!!
getting one year older!
How do you feel?
Well unfortunately i can't ask that because i am a million miles away from this lovely girl today, but, friends, i do hope you will stop by and wish her the loveliest of birthdays, because she truly deserves it.
i am not as good with words as she is, but i do want to recall one of my favorite memories of my darling B.
it was...her wedding day, now let me preface and say, favorite memories to me are not always good memories, my scars are some of my favorite memories, and lets just say, they werent always because of happy memories...can anyone say jumping off cliffs bryants? anyway, i digress,
b was getting married, to one lovely patrick and i like to think i might have played a small role in this happy day, so at this wedding, we are all dressed in our lovely and practical (i still LOVE that skirt b), bride's maid dresses, when, in the midst of the beauty that is rome ga, IT RAINS! and when i say rain, i mean, the bottom dropped out of the sky, it was massive, huge, tremendous rain drops. I have a picture b standing by the window, looking, very very concerned, in her lovely wedding dress. i just remember thinking, what do you do? it was literally, minutes, seconds, away from the wedding, and all this rain, outside wedding, eck!
so i did what any friend would do, i just went up to b and stood there looking dumbfounded, not saying a freaking word, but standing, in united friendship against the enemy we call, H20
finally, as we stared out the window, it stopped, sunshine, lovely! just like that. collective cheers and hugging throughout that wee cabin we had locked ourselves away in.
that is one of my favorite moments b, because sometimes just 'being' in terrible times, is friendship enough.
Greetings ! Happy 12th of July! Although by no means any day of significance in my mind, it is THE holiday (minus st. patty's) here in N. Ireland. It goes back to celebrating a battle, its a very Protestant parade, with men marching through Catholic Streets with the Union Jack and pictures of the queen, banging drums, playing whistles. Then tonight at 12 they light HUGE bonfires throughout the city, with various items like Irish flags, the pope, etc., atop them, a blazing. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelfth I am going to the festivities (if you can call them that) as a researcher, but its very interesting how we let things divide us, colors! or colours even! I leave belfast in a week today, and i dont feel all together ready, i had a woman who worked in a youth center here tell me she could never go back to the 'south' (of Ireland) because it would be too boring. And i agree, Scotland seems very blah in comparison. BUT with interviews in hand, observations in brain, i'm off to spend my final year! in Edinburgh and hopefully this time next year will be a doctor. But i will keep Ireland close to my heart. To show my gratitude, a folk song, NO one does folk songs like the Irish. So without further adieu, my favorite song at the moment.
"You want the sunrise to go back to bed...
And I wanna make you laugh."
